I’m learning that I’m not all who I thought I was and I think a part of me is in shock and trying to comprehend and completely uncover the lies that I believed or the partial truth that I may have counted as whole, unaware that there where more layers to be revealed. For instance for a long time I was only operating from a place of my identity that I was familiar with and comfortable in the area of socializing and extending myself to others in that way alone, but recently that part of me has been challenged because I now no longer have those same desires the way I once did before, to be known for being socially dominant and outgoing. I don’t think it’s completely gone though , I just believe it has shifted to a smaller dose than the previous seasons. I’ve learned in my experience that we should never be satisfied, with one version of ourselves. And the moment we start to be comfortable with one thing life hits us with reality check that we don’t have it all figured out . We are always evolving, stretching and unfolding as first believers, people and creativities. This experience can be scary but if you keep your heart and mind open the growth you will engage in will be rewarding. Right now I would say I’m in between no longer being held captive by the pin of complacency and intentionally making small strides towards the woman I am yet to be and want to be for the sake of my purpose. “The journey gets tough but his grace keeps going.”- Chaun’cey C. As one of my favorite scriptures says “Trust in the lord with all your heart, and lean not to your own understanding but in all your ways acknowledge him and he will direct your path” proverbs 3:5
I’ve learned the importance of dependence on the lords knowledge and strength. When we are humble and share that we need help and confess that we don’t know everything we are able to receive more as a son and a daughter of Christ. God promises you and I both that his word will never return void. If he said it it is our job to believe it and cultivate a space that properly grants the Holy Spirit that opportunity.
“so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.” Isaiah 55:11 NIV
It is then with that realization we are able to step into all who God has called us and desires us to be. Never be afraid to go back to your creator and ask him these words, Lord Who am I ?
After my acknowledgment that maybe I couldn’t see myself the way I wanted to believe I could , and that was the very moment I realized the layers of trauma that I had grown and cultivated unknowningly was the very thing that kept me from fully seeing and knowing wholeness in my own life.